Things I Wish I Had Known About Relationships When I Was Sixteen

Hi, everyone! I’m still alive! Unfortunately, I’ve been absolutely pushed to my limit time and energy wise recently (my Dissertation is now due in eleven days,) and Love is Infinite is one of the things to have temporarily fallen by the wayside. I’ve got a whole string of articles lined up for you guys, which I will start writing immediately after D-Day.

But for now, just for fun, here’s a fairly simple (if not ‘light’) topic for the day!

Things I wish I had known about relationships when I was 16:

  • “You are not a horrible unlovable slut if you don’t marry the man you lose your virginity to.”

  • “Sex is nice, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting it. It’s also okay NOT to want it. It’s your decision, always.”

  • “You’re bi, and that’s okay! For God’s sake, stop denying it!”

  • “Someone doesn’t have to hit you for it to be abuse.”

  • “One fight doesn’t mean the end of the relationship. Arguments are very normal. Learn how to fight well, rather than aiming to never ever fight at all.”

  • “Anybody who will try to force you to change is not worth your time.”

  • “You’re allowed to leave someone as well, if you want to.”

  • “The One Big Love Of Your Life who will complete you, make you whole and take away all your problems is a myth.”

  • “There are more possibilities to love than the house → marriage → babies → happy-ever-after path. That’s one route, no more ‘correct’ than any other. It’s worth considering it might not be the right one for you.”

  • “When in doubt, communication is the answer.”

  • “You think this is ‘madly in love?’ Honey, wait until you see what Madly In Love really feels like!”

  • “A couple of years from now, you’re going to discover this amazing movement called ‘polyamory’ and a new world of fun, adventure, challenge and love will open up to you. Get ready to enjoy the ride, because it’s going to be intense!”

What about YOU, lovely readers? If you could go back and give your sixteen year old self some advice about relationships, what would you tell them?

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22 thoughts on “Things I Wish I Had Known About Relationships When I Was Sixteen

  1. Jules says:

    My advice to me:

    “Next year you will meet someone who will flatter and seduce you. Do not keep him as your boyfriend. If you find that he’s your boyfriend, dump him, DUMP HIM NOW, do not pass go, do not collect £200.

    Also, you are gorgeous, you are not fat, drowning in enormous t-shirts is not flattering.

    Your desires are not ‘abnormal’, you deserve love as much as anyone else. And one person forever is a fallacy.

    And you are right. There is a fabulous world outside Earlswood. You will get there.

  2. Dragonmamma says:

    Oooh interesting.
    “Sex is nice and there is nothing wrong with wanting it” VERY TRUE whatever your age!!
    “Learn how to fight well….” This is excellent advice I wish I had known at 16/26/36/46/56…..
    “The one big love of your life….” Sorry, this CAN sometimes be true, but it doesnt always last for the whole of your life.

    And to Jules:”Next year you will meet ……..” Do keep him(for a while) enjoy him, and THEN dump him!!

    And as fo me, I wish I had known that:-
    “Being large and fat , brainy and bespectacled does not mean you cannot be gorgeous”
    “Falling in love does not mean you have to give up your own opinions and thought processes”
    Being hit is not the only form of abuse.
    Love sometimes doesnt last forever as illness and other horrors can intrude.
    Growing out of someone and ceasing to love them as a partner does not necessarily mean you cease to care about them.
    Loving someojne sometimes means standing back and letting them solve their own problems while you support them from the sidelines.

  3. Dragonmamma says:

    Oh and one last one.
    Dont panic if no one seems to weant you at 16. You have Years and Years of loving ahead of you.
    (Old people really do still enjoy loving and having sex!!)

  4. colee112 says:

    I’d tell my 16 year old self to be young and that there are soooo many years of dating and boys and heartache ahead of you… stay away from all that stuff as long as possible…. and to stay away from guys for the next 7 years as well.. :P

  5. A says:

    I don’t know what would be my relationship advice to 16 year old me.

    “You may not have any relationship nor sex in the next 10 years even if you would like to, and there is nothing you can do to make people love you. Try to enjoy life in other ways.”

  6. I wish I’d had the same advice, and…

    “When you finish college, you’re not going to be playing sports anymore, and that will affect your figure. It will NOT affect your beauty. You will, and always will be, effin’ gorgeous!”

  7. Cattie says:

    For goodness sake if you like someone, tell them! Pining after someone for years is painful and silly. If they don’t like you back it is not the end of the world, but it is not certain that everyone finds you repulsive and fat. You are beautiful in your own way and quite a few people will find you attractive. Stop being so scared of rejection, and make a move, otherwise you’ll spend your life wondering about all the ‘what ifs’.

  8. Byghan says:

    Love is not all or nothing (this also applies to Life). -so it doesn’t have to be boys OR girls; you don’t have to reject all forms of love offered to you because you have your heart set on one thing; losing someone doesn’t mean you can never love again

    Love grows and changes

    Sex is messy, funny, intimate and different every time. That is OK.
    It is alright if you don’t want sex, it is alright to ask questions about sex, it is alright to ask someone to do it differently..

  9. Jess says:

    Your life will end up somewhere different than where you ever planned. Don’t let yourself be used, don’t find your self worth in sex. Keep on smiling, always see the good in people, and remember; nothing is ever black and white.
    :)

  10. Serina D says:

    In my case, I suspect mine would be:

    “Your lovelife is *not* more important than your education, you’ll regret it if you let yourself get too caught up and don’t pay attention to your future.”

    If I didn’t have the Most Wonderful Mum who really tried hard to keep me on track, even when I didn’t fully appreciate her, I reckon I would be seeing the result of this one a lot more. I was incredibly lucky, though, and I (my mum, my friends, etc) managed to haul myself back into line.

  11. [...] recently came across this post by Miss Amaranth. Seeing as it is my birthday today, and I’m being all reflective, I thought [...]

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